


Do you remember?

by sasstiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Post Sacrifice, Protective Dean Winchester, Season/Series 08, Sick Sam Winchester, dean/cas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 04:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasstiel/pseuds/sasstiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The angels have fallen and Dean and Sam have a plate full. Sam is still recovering from the trials. The king of hell is living with them. And Castiel is missing. Dean is doing his best to handle everything. But his best is not so great.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"The angels, they`re falling"

Castiel woke up on the grass, not recalling how he got there. Metatron must have cast him down to the earth after taking away his grace.  
Castiel looked up to the sky to see angels falling like stars. "I`m sorry my brothers and sisters, I have failed you" This was only the beginning of Castiel`s nightmare.

 

* * *

  
Dean helped Sam get into the Impala while watching the sky in terror.

"Where the hell are you Cas?" He thought while walking over to the driver's seat. He got into the Impala and put the keys in the ignition. All he wanted to do at the moment was get Sam to safety then find Cas.

"What about Crowley? Sam managed to say between short breaths of air.

"What about the ass-hat?" Dean was a little bit too frustrated to be concerned about the damn king of hell who got them into this mess. "Well we can't just leave him here, some demon or angel will come after him and kill him"

"Good let them"

"Dean. he`s half human now we can`t just leave him like a dead animal"

"Sam my top priority right now is you I`m not worried about cro-"

"Alright, I`ll get him myself" Sam started to open the impala door, his muscles were aching and moving made it worse.

"Fine, okay? I`ll go get him just get back in the car and wait here" With that Dean got out of the impala almost breaking baby`s door by slamming it too hard.

Dean was tired and broken. He was scared for Sam, his brother is practically a walking corpse right now.  
And he was scared for Cas, who knows what Meta-Dick did to him. All he wanted right now was a break. A break from all the madness, and pain. But then again he`s Dean Winchester. When does he ever get a break?

* * *

 

Castiel Didn't know where he was, or where to go.

He Didn't have any angel GPS anymore to find his way out of the field Metatron dropped him in, and back to the Winchesters.  
So he started walking. He was walking to the West looking for any type of house or convenient store that might have somebody that could help him.

He walked through miles of woods, but he still couldn't find any sign of life. After walking for hours through the woods he started to get tired. It was new to him.  
He was always so used to having the ability to do countless things and never running out of energy. He really disliked the feeling. Castiel tried to push himself as much as he could. He didn't know his body had a limit till he collapsed.

Castiel laid there in the woods. His body started to become cold as his vision swarmed with darkness. All he wanted right now was to be with the Winchesters, listening to Dean complaining about Sam getting him cake instead of pie.

His eyes shut and his body went numb. Right before he passed out he could`ve swore he heard Dean`s voice saying "Its gonna be okay."


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has nightmares about Cas. And Sam is being stubborn.

The night had finally passed, but not the nightmares with it.   
Dean couldn't sleep very well with the nightmares he had. He never was able to sleep good with nightmares. Even in the day they would ramble on in his head

  
_"Dean didn't know where he was, it was bright, like a white room. It was unusual. He would always dream of the darkness of hell and the screams of torture. But this was different. He felt peaceful almost like he was floating. He thought for a moment he was dead and finally at peace, until a figure appeared before him. The figure was a blur until he noticed the beige trenchcoat and blue tie._

_"Cas?!"_

_Cas turned to Dean, blank expression almost as if he was looking through him._

_"Cas buddy, what's wrong?"_

_Cas smiled one of his genuinely happy smiles that made Dean feel warm on this inside. He walked up to Cas and patted him on the back_

_"I don't know where the hell you`ve been man but I`ve missed you"_

_Castiel abruptly stepped back almost as if when Dean touched him he burned him._

_"Cas What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Dean started to panic_

_Castiel`s grace started to flow out of him like a river as if Dean`s touch tore a hole through his soul. Cas started screaming as his grace wrapped around him and covered him in the blue light. Dean stood back in horror of what was happening. All he wanted to do was help, to make Castiel stop screaming. When the blue light started to fade away Castiel appeared fine. Like he was never even touched. Dean took a sigh of relief and stepped forwards towards Cas again._

_"Cas...?"_

_Castiels skin started to fall off of him like it was never attached in the first place, puddles of blood flowing at his feet with skin that was slipping off him like water. Dean didn't want this. He didn't want to corrupt his loved ones by his touch. Dean started to scream but no sound came out, the brightness faded to black, and the tortures screams came back. He felt like the weight of the world was on him again. He started to gasp as he awoke to darkness"_

It was one of the worst nightmares Dean has had for a long time. The dreams of torture and hell couldn't compare to seeing Cas like that. He tried to shake off the disfigured and bloody images of Cas by keeping himself busy

Dean was the first one up in the morning, mostly because of the nightmares, but he decided he would cook some breakfast soup for Sammy before he tried to get up and do it himself. Dean started rummaging through some cabinets where Sam had put some canned food he bought when they first settled down in the bunker. He found a can of chicken soup behind some canned spinach that Sam had bought

"What a health freak"

Dean got out some bowls that Sam had bought at some dollar store cause apparently it's not normal for Dean to eat out of the can. He poured the chicken soup in the first bowl and warmed it up for Sammy to eat, and got out some milk and cereal for the second bowl for himself to have some breakfast.  
Sam came out of the hallway and walked to the table right as the microwave beeped. He brought a few books from the library and started reading them as Dean came out with two bowls in his hand. Sam looked slightly better from last night

"Breakfast is ready sunshine." Dean had started to regret the use of the term sunshine. Sam probably wasn't the one to joke around right now considering he almost died last night

He pushed away the bowl that Dean had put in front of him and continued reading

"Alright nerd I know you want to study but not until you eat something, these trials hit you hard and you need to put something in your body to keep you alive"

"Im not hungry Dean" Sam tried to act frustrated but he didn't have the strength too.

"It doesn't matter if you`re hungry or not you`re gonna eat something." He was starting to get frustrated

"Listen Dean. I know you want me to get better, and I`m trying okay? But, there's thousands of angels walking the earth right now, and we have a half human king of hell on our hands right now. And we know better than anyone that this problem isn't gonna fix itself." Sam didn't want to argue, he just wanted to figure this whole situation out or at least some of it.

"Do you think I don't know that? I want to fix this problem just as much as you, but I would rather have you not die in the process Sam! Yes I know thousands of angels are roaming the earth. Yes I know we have the king of hell a room away doing God knows what, but that doesn't mean you should die trying to fix it. Now eat your damn soup." Dean didn't want to argue about this anymore. He left his bowl of cereal on the table and went to his room to cool down.

He put his head in his hands and sighed

"Damn it Cas, where are you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter had almost no Cas at all. But trust me there will be more! Its probably gonna be back and fourth chapters between the Winchesters at the bunker and Castiel till they`re reunited


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean`s not the only one having nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So im currently checking over my work by myself, please forgive me if I`ve made any spelling errors (Im quite sure I have)  
> Anyways hope you enjoy!

 

Cas had a long night. His brothers and sisters have fallen to the earth while his grace was stolen from him. He felt like dying. He was exhausted from the events of last night. The change from a celestial wave length to a human was not an easy one.

He was still in the woods, not knowing where to go, so he started walking again. There was a pain in his stomach, he knew that his body needed food and water to survive, but at the moment he couldn't please his bodily needs.

He didn`t know how long he`d been walking for, it must have been a few hours. Time in heaven was so much different to time on earth.  
He kept making his way through the woods, the branches tearing through his clothes every once in a while. The soles of his shoes had started to wear off, making it harder to walk. That's just what he needed.  
Noon came around and he needed a break. He sat down, leaning against a tree. He needed to be away from all of this. He missed being an angel, he missed being able to flap his wings and be anywhere in the world, he missed being able to never run out of energy, but mostly he missed the Winchesters. He loved being around Sam and Dean, they always made him feel happy. Castiel always knew they were different. Even when his brothers and sisters turned away from him, the Winchesters never did. Sam and Dean never did.  
He sat there thinking about the Winchesters as he faded to sleep.

_"Cas' vision was blurry. He had troubles making out where he was. He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes. He was in the bunker._  
 _Sam and Dean were having a conversation with each other. Cas couldn't make out what they were saying, but they hadn't acknowledged Cas, like he was invisible._

_"Sam? Dean?"_

_They stopped their conversation and looked Cas' direction. Castiel knew something was wrong._

_"Who invited the ex-angel to the party?" Sam said with eyes of hatred. Cas had never seen Sam like this before._  
 _"What the hell are you doing here, Castiel?!" Dean practically screamed at him. "We already told you. We don't want your sad excuse of existence around us."_

_"D-Dean.." Castiel`s voice was hoarse. He felt like he couldn't breathe. As if the universe really hated him enough to take away his air too._

_"We don`t need you and your sad excuse for a fallen angel anymore, with out your angel mojo you`re useless" Sam said_  
 _"Y-You guys dont mean that." Castiel was drowning, hell wasnt as bad as this. And he`s been there._  
 _"You`re kidding me, of course we mean it! It doesn't matter how many times you come back, how many time you beg on your knees. We told you once and we`re not gonna tell you again. You`re not part of this family. You never have been, and you`re damn sure you never will be."_

_Castiel flinched under the hateful words Dean said to him. He couldn't breath, he felt like his very existence was fading away._  
 _That was the on thing he never wanted to hear come out of Deans mouth, cause he knew if he did, he would break._

Castiel woke up still leaning against the tree. His memories of the nightmare were still vivid, he`s never experienced a dream before, let alone a nightmare.  
He hated it.  
He got up and started mapping out where to go next, trying to keep the images of Dean and Sam abandoning him out of his head. He must have slept for a while, he didn't know what time it was, maybe late afternoon? But he knew it was gonna be dark soon. He rubbed the blurriness away from his eyes, only to notice his hands and face were wet.  
Was he crying? He`s cried before, sure. He`s lived thousands of years, he was bound to cry sometime. It wasn't new to him. But it was unusual as a human. He was never really sad as an angel, he was never really happy either. It felt like a rock was weighing him down.  
He decided to try to ignore the thoughts of the nightmare still swarming in his head as he started walking.

* * *

 

Dean stayed in his room for most of the day after his fight with Sammy. He didn't want to make things worse than they already were. He checked on Crowley a few times during the day to make sure he wasn't faking this whole half human thing and plotting to kill them.  
Apparently sometime throughout the day Sam gave Crowley his tablet so he could watch tv on it.  
Dean walked down the hall to Crowley`s room. He knocked on the door but didn't wait for a response to open it. It was more of a warning that he was coming in.  
Crowley was laying on the bed watching soap operas on Sam`s tablet like he has been for the past 4 hours. It doesn't even look like he moved an inch from last time Dean checked in on him.  
Crowley looked up from the tablet and gave one of his too smug smiles.

"Hello, Dean." God that British accent really started to annoy Dean over the years.

"Is this really what you`ve done all day Crowley?" Dean said pinching the bridge above his nose

"Well there not much other to do. Now is there? You mud monkeys have me locked in here like a caged animal"

"Don't even start, you`d be dead right now if it wasn't for Sam being so damn kind"

Crowley could tell something was going on between Dean and Sam by the way his anger dissipated when he started talking about Sam.

"Are you and Sam having a fight?" Crowley asked with that sly smile of his

"Stay out of our crap, Crowley." Dean was becoming more frustrated.

"Listen" Crowley started "Im half human now. I know what feelings are again... Well half feelings. Anyways, just try to work out what's going on between you and Sam before things get out of hand. Just like when Brenda didn't tell Sonny about Alexanders miscarried baby"

Dean was genuinely shocked at how Crowley was acting until he ruined it with soap operas.

Dean gave an exasperated sigh before he walked out of the room "Stop watching so many soap operas." And with that he left.

* * *

 

Dean went back to where he left Sam after their fight. The bowl of soup had been eaten and the bowl of cereal that Dean left was still there. Some of the books that Sam had been reading were gone. Dean thought he must have went in his room after their fight so he wouldn't have to deal with Dean`s glares if he came back out.  
Dean walked down the hall to Sammy`s room. He was waiting outside Sam`s door. Dean didn't know if he really wanted to talk or not but he thought it would probably be the best thing to do.

Dean knocked on the door "Hey Sammy.. Can I come in?" He would usually just walk in, but he didn't want to talk if Sam didn't want to talk to him.

"Uh yeah. Sure." Sam said from behind the closed door.

Dean walked in. Sam was sitting at his desk with books sprawled all over it while he wrote some notes down in a notebook. Dean sat on the bed. Sam turned his body in the chair to face Dean.

"What`s up?" Sam asked. He still looked bad. Dean hated seeing him like this.

"Well, first of all no chick flick moments." Sam shot a bitch face Deans way

"Calm down Samantha." Dean grinned trying to lighten the mood "Listen Sam, im not trying to treat you like a child or anything. But you`re not looking good right now. I`m just trying to do my best to help you get better.. And yeah I know, there's angels roaming the earth like fruit flies, and the king of Hell is living with us. But that doesn`t come before family." Dean scratched his neck while looking down, waiting for Sam to respond.

".. I know Dean, and trust me, I`m trying to get better too. But this will only go away with time"  
'Hopefully' Dean thought  
"And this angel massacre is only gonna get worse with time, and you know that."

"I know, but you still come first Sam."

"Thanks Dean" Sam gave a small smile, a genuine one. Even with all the problems they've had they were still brothers and they cared about each other.

"Hey, I said no chick flicks moments. Now get back to your studying nerd." Dean started to head for the door until Sam stopped him

"Hey Dean"

"Yeah?" Dean turned around to Sam

"How are you doing?"

"Well other than the whole angel and king of hell thing im doing fine."

"No I mean.. How are you doing about Cas?"

Sam knew he was concerned by the way his expression changed at Cas' name. He knew Dean was avoiding talking about Cas. Sam was actually concerned about bringing him up. He didn't know how Dean would react.

"Im fine"

"Dea-

"I said im fine Sam." Sam wasn't dealing with this though act bullshit.

"Listen Dean. I know you`re not fine. You`ve been avoiding bringing him up ever since you called out to him last night. Everything is not "Fine" Dean."

"Look Sammy," Dean really didn't want to talk about this. He didn't want to think about Cas. It hurt.  
"Im...Im worried about him okay? I don't know what the hell Meta-dick did to him. For all we know he could be, dead.. Right now." Dean has said the word dead more than a million times in his life but he's never had more trouble saying it before than now.

"He`s not" Sam tried to convince Dean as much as he tried to convince himself.

"Yeah I hope so." Dean walked out of Sam`s room and went down the hall to his bedroom.

He could never tell Sam how much he missed Cas, how all he`s been doing is worrying about Cas and if he's okay or not.  
Dean sat down on his memory foam bed. It was dark by now. He laid down and let his thoughts sink in.

The last thing Dean wanted was for Cas to be dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sorta feel like Crowley might have been OC but my defense is he`s half human now, so he must have some kind of warm spot in him now, right?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post season 8 fanfiction. It`s a short chapter, but I hope you enjoy!


End file.
